What Vishen Lakhiani Taught Us About Love, Marriage, and Divorce [Profound!]
Last week, spiritual entrepreneur and the founder of self-development company Mindvalley (and fellow Malaysian) Vishen Lakhiani revealed to the world that he and his wife of 19 years is getting a divorce.
But instead of the usual messy, hate-filled tirade, he and his now ex-wife decided to forego the society-imposed norms of divorce and go through a “conscious uncoupling”.
He didn’t define what that meant, but I can imagine (with whatever comprehension I can gather from his own words) that it means they are going to celebrate the beautiful life they’ve built together for 19 years and simply... part ways.
There’s something so beautiful to be said about the couple’s decision.
First of all, it’s their wildly profound understanding that nothing in life lasts forever - material or otherwise - and sadly, this includes sentient beings like you and I and our loved ones.
Secondly, it is the sage-like willingness to simply surrender to what is. They did not force nor resist change; they merely acknowledged that their time as a couple has come to an end and moved on.
How Vishen and Kristina Did It
Let me start by saying that the idea of “conscious uncoupling” isn’t new. Celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin uncoupled in such way when they divorced, and there are even books written about it.
But that’s also where we - the rest of humanity - comes in. We can either be outsiders looking in, forcing an antiquated idea about love and marriage, or we can leave with a token of lesson from people who have done it better than anyone else.
Are you willing?
While many of Vishen’s followers celebrated the “conscious uncoupling,” there are still many who could not grasp the concept because they have accepted the generations-long, human-constructed traditions as the “norm.”
Some go as far as to say that the couple is glorifying divorce, while stamping his marriage as having “failed”. But as far as the Internet army goes, little do they realise that they are simply offended by other people’s freedoms - the freedom that they themselves do not possess nor are able to practice.
So when a “brule”-breaking person comes along and shows that they can withstand a very human challenge (in this case, a divorce) with more class and finesse - and dare I say, even joy? - the entire world’s minds implode.
“Just what sorcery is this? Husband and wives with children are now divorcing like there’s nothing wrong?!”
No, actually there isn’t anything wrong with it. What’s really wrong is people who get married with a perverse sense attachment and expectation of what a relationship and marriage should be.
What is “marriage”? And why does one need “marriage” to complete “love”? Why do people get married… in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?
Which, by the way, sounds a lot like the premise of serial murder-thriller.
Decoding the Myth of Love, Marriage and Divorce
So I say this:
If you are seeking love, free yourself from all expectations. Give yourself a greater idea of the kind of partner you’re seeking and attract, script or manifest the person into your life. And then, simply let go. Give trust to the universe that the right person will be attracted to you as long as you are clear about who it is that you wish to attract.
I come across so many young women who are seeking love and yet they are out there seeking specifically only love at this moment. So much so that they don’t realise that sometimes love requires time to nurture and grow.
Love is ever evolving - because love is a form of energy, that means relationships by universal law will flow into your life and then right out through you.
Be good to everyone you meet - even those who are not quite your love interests. Because the stranger you met yesterday may blossom into the lover of your dreams in years to come. In that time, you will have also grown into new interests, passions, and coincidentally, an entirely different idea of what your ideal partner is. Thus, love is ever evolving.
Then, if you already have love, don’t try desperately to keep it - especially when the flames have fizzled out. Attachment is the barrier to growth - this is a universal law. It is what happens when you resist the flow of energy and hold on to the vestiges of a lost relationship.
You know exactly what I’m talking about. There’s always that one relationship in your life where you’ve convinced yourself, “we’re going to be together forever” or “this one will be the exception.” But it didn’t quite work out that way and you resist because you believe you should be together despite knowing that the time is up and you need to move on to bigger and better things.
Release all forms of attachment. We are all energy and energy needs to flow into you, affect you in its own mysterious way, and then flow right through you. If love has affected you negatively, release it. If love has affected you positively, also release it. Because love is energy and energy needs to be spent in order for it to grow.
Expectations limit your potential for love. It limits your understanding of what love is - a flow of energy through time and space. Be okay with the fact that you may not find love and be okay with the fact that the love you have may not last.
This, in turn, puts you in a place of complete self awareness and self-sustenance where love is free to roam where it wishes to.
If you’re interested to learn more about conscious uncoupling, you watch Vishen Lakhiani’s video on it below: